寻找小糖人

翻译练习
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Oscar to Suicide in One Year: Tracing the 'Searching for Sugar Man' Director's Tragic Final Days
一年从奥斯卡到自杀：追寻《寻找小糖人》导演之死的最后几日
The Hollywood Reporter
好莱坞报道
Jun 12, 2014
2014年6月12日

This story first appeared in the June 20 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine.
本文第一次发表在6月20日发行的《好莱坞报道》杂志
By Scott Johnson
作者 斯科特•约翰逊

In the late afternoon on May 13, a young man with a mop of soft brown hair and a delicate frame stood on the platform of the Solna Centrum metro stop in Stockholm, Sweden, waiting for the Blue Line.
5月13日下午晚些时候，一个有着一头蓬松柔软的棕色头发、轮廓精致的年轻人站在位于瑞典，斯德哥尔摩，索尔纳中心地铁站的站台上，等待蓝线地铁。

It was rush hour, and the station, one of the deepest in Stockholm’s rail system, was filling up with commuters leaving the city. At the bottom of a long escalator, cave-like tunnel walls had been painted with elaborate pastoral scenes from the 1970s: 现在是高峰时间，斯德哥尔摩地铁系统最远的车站之一，塞满了正要离开这个城市的通勤乘客。在一段长长的扶梯底部，像洞穴一样的隧道墙壁上描绘着20世纪70年代的田园景色：
lush green hillsides studded with fir trees and a giant yellow moon rising against a vast, dark red sky. Vignettes of Swedish life were overlaid against this Nordic backdrop — chain-saw-wielding loggers presiding over a recent clear-cut, a twin-engine prop plane taking flight, and a solitary violinist standing in a field pondering the city’s encroachment. At one end of the platform was a sign. “Stop!” it warned. “Unauthorized people prohibited on the tracks.”
苍翠繁茂的绿色山坡点缀着冷杉树，一轮巨大的黄色的月亮在一片广阔而黑暗的天空中升起。瑞典生活的片段被北欧的背景覆盖——拿着链锯的伐木工人正在指挥一架近代的外形干净利落，双引擎螺旋桨飞机起飞，一个站在田里的孤独的小提琴演奏者思考着城市的入侵。在站台的最后端是一个标志。“停！”这个标志警示着，“未授权人员不得踏入轨道”。

It was just the type of place that the young man, a 36-year-old Swedish journalist and Oscar-winning film director named Malik Bendjelloul, might have found intriguing.
这儿就是这个年轻人喜欢的那种地方，36岁的瑞典记者及奥斯卡获奖影片导演，马利克•本德杰鲁可能会感兴趣的地方。
The Stockholm metro system is reputed to be the largest display of public art anywhere in the world — 68.3 miles of paintings, mosaics, installations and sculptures. The station was an artistic, humane endeavor, an urban fairy-tale landscape that might have piqued his curiosity and fueled his imagination.
斯德哥尔摩地铁系统因成为全世界最大的公众艺术展所而出名——68.3英里的绘画，镶嵌画，装置和雕塑。这个艺术的，人文奋进，都市童话风景的车站可能激起了他的好奇心，助燃了他的想象力。
But on that day, as the train neared, the picturesque station was transformed into a devastating scene of the director’s final moments. With a crowd of Tuesday-afternoon commuters looking on from benches or standing against walls, Bendjelloul flung himself into the path of an oncoming train.
但是在那天，当火车靠近的时候，这个如画的车站变成了一个导演最终毁灭的现场。一大群周二下午坐着长椅或者靠着墙的通勤乘客都看到，本德杰鲁跳进了一辆正开进来的列车的轨道。

Almost immediately, Bendjelloul’s suicide, just over a year after his 2013 Academy Award for the documentary Searching for Sugar Man — a soulful, wrenching account of a forgotten Detroit folk musician named Sixto Rodriguez — threw Sweden and much of the rest of the world into stunned disbelief. How could such a talented artist choose to take his life at the height of his creative powers, when anything seemed possible and probably was? And how did a positive, happy person fall into the depths of despair with almost no one being the wiser?
几乎是他凭借《寻找小糖人》——一部充满灵魂的痛苦的再现被忘记的底特律民谣音乐人西斯托•罗德里格斯的纪录片，获得2013年奥斯卡金像奖后刚好一年，本德杰鲁的自杀，令瑞典和这个世界都感到错愕。一个如此充满天赋的艺术家怎么会在他创造力如此巅峰的时候结束自己的生命呢，一个任何事都将成为可能可以办到的时候？一个积极，快乐的人怎么会跌进绝望的深渊，却没有一个人知道为什么呢？
The first press reports from Swedish media outlets repeated the police’s initial statements that Bendjelloul had died in an “incident” of indeterminate nature. “The police do not suspect any foul play in his death,” said Mats Eriksson, press officer of Stockholm’s western police district. On that Wednesday, Johar Bendjelloul, a radio journalist and the director’s older brother, clarified that it indeed had been a suicide, the result, he said, of the recent onset of mental illness. Stockholm police officials later confirmed to THR the details of Bendjelloul’s death on the tracks. 最初来自瑞典媒体的报道大量重复着警察初步判断本德杰鲁死于一场性质不明的“事故”。“警方排除死于他杀的怀疑”，斯德哥尔摩西警区新闻发布官马茨•埃里克松说道。那个周三，电台记者及导演的哥哥乔哈尔•本德杰鲁澄清了事实，他说，根据最近开始的精神疾病方面的检测结果，的确是自杀。斯德哥尔摩警方官方稍后向《好莱坞报道》证实了本德杰鲁在铁轨上死亡的细节。
“He jumped in front of a fast-moving metro train,” one police official said. “It traumatized both the train conductor and witnesses. The SL [Metro Co.] is working with trauma and crises handling with the train conductor.” Johar Bendjelloul, meanwhile, went further. “He had been depressed,” the elder Bendjelloul told reporters, adding that he had been by his brother’s side “almost constantly” in the days before his death. “I know he had been depressed for a short period, and depression is something you can die from,” he said. “But the question of why, no one can answer; it will ache in my chest the rest of my life.”
“他跳在一辆快速行驶的地铁前”，一位警官说。“这让列车员和目击者都受到心理创伤。处理创伤和危机的SL（地铁有限公司）正在负责列车员的创伤。” 同时，更进一步，乔哈尔•本德杰鲁说道：“他很抑郁，”本德杰鲁哥哥告诉记者，他在死前几乎一直在哥哥身边，“我知道他已经抑郁了一段日子了，而抑郁是一种会让人死亡的东西。”他说，“但是问题是为什么，没有人能回答；这会让我的余生都很痛心。”
The sense of bewilderment was no less acute among the people who had worked alongside Bendjelloul for years and called him a friend. “If I think of every person I’ve met in my whole life, he was the least likely to take his life — the least,” said Karin af Klintberg, a producer for a Swedish arts and culture program called Kobra and the first person to encourage Bendjelloul to turn Rodriguez’s story into the film that would become his abiding passion for five years. “He was the happiest person I knew.”
这种困惑的感觉在和本德杰鲁曾经一起工作多年并称他为朋友的人中也丝毫没有减少。“如果我比较下我这辈子认识的每个人，他是最不可能结束自己的生命的——最不可能的。”卡琳•阿芙•克林伯格，瑞典艺术与文化项目眼镜蛇的制片人，她是第一个鼓励本德杰鲁将罗德里格斯的故事拍成电影从而使他充满热忱持续工作了五年的人。“他是我认识的最快乐的人。”
Many of his friends struggled to accept it. Simon Chinn, who co-produced Searching for Sugar Man and shared an Academy Award with Bendjelloul, snapped at a reporter from the Associated Press for even asking about suicide because the idea seemed so preposterous and out of character to him.
他的许多朋友都难以接受这个事实。西蒙•钦，与本德杰鲁一同分享了奥斯卡奖的《寻找小糖人》联合制片人，训斥了来自美联社记者关于自杀的询问，因为这个猜测看起来如此荒谬，根本不是他的性格。
When someone updated Bendjelloul’s Wikipedia page to reflect his death that Tuesday, Klintberg just stared at it, thinking the author had made a mistake. When the truth finally sunk in, she stayed home from work for four days and wept. “I just made up with him for a few days,” she said.
当有人更新本德杰鲁的维基百科页面反应出周二那天他的死亡时，克利伯格盯着看着，觉得编者犯了一个错误。当终于了解这是真相，她留在家里哭泣，四天没去上班。“我和他吵了才和好几天。”她说。
Death, especially when it is violent and unexpected, often leaves a hazy, and sometimes unwarranted, glow around the deceased. But Malik Bendjelloul, by all accounts, stood out as exceptionally talented, creative and for the most part also happy and well-adjusted. Over the course of the past several months, however, friends say he also had become increasingly lonely and isolated.
死亡，特别当其是猛烈和意外的，通常留下朦胧的，有时是没有根据的光芒笼罩着逝者。然而，马利克•本德杰鲁，根据大家所说，因天赋秉异富有创造力而杰出，而且大多是时候都是快乐且适应力强的。经过了几个月后，也有朋友说，他也变得越来越孤独和隔离。
The Oscar win had catapulted him into the upper reaches of the New York and Los Angeles art worlds, away from his best friends and family.
赢得奥斯卡将他送上了更高一层的纽约和洛杉矶艺术世界，远离了他最好的朋友和家人。
For the past several months, he had been living in New York, writing a script for a feature-length film about a South African conservationist named Lawrence Anthony, who had traveled to Baghdad in 2003 to rescue wounded and abandoned zoo creatures. However, writing for movies was harder than Bendjelloul had anticipated, and he apparently had grown frustrated and anxious. He developed insomnia while in New York. He also had lost touch with some of the people he had been closest to in Sweden and confessed to at least one close friend that he felt lonely.
在过去的几个月，他住在纽约，写一部关于南非自然资源保护者劳伦斯•安东尼的长篇电影手稿，描述了他在2003年到巴格达救治受伤和被抛弃的动物园动物。然而，为电影写作比本德杰鲁预想的困难，他明显为此越来越挫折和焦虑。在纽约的时候他开始失眠。他和一些在瑞典时曾经亲密的人们失去了联系，并且至少向一位好友坦陈他觉得很孤独。
Experts in the psychology of celebrity say that the sudden onset of stardom of the type Bendjelloul experienced can be traumatic, akin to a physical accident or violent encounter. “Fame is experienced as an impact, like a car crash,” says Donna Rockwell, a Michigan psychologist who did her doctoral dissertation on the effects of celebrity, interviewing A-list actors, sports figures and others for her research. “For a person who has lived an ordinary life, to all of a sudden be thrust into a world of the spotlight, it can be quite overwhelming.”
名人心理学方面的专家认为本德杰鲁突然变成明星的这种经历是一种创伤，近似于一种身体上的事故或者遭受暴力。“名声带给人的影响，就像一场车祸。”唐娜•洛克威尔，密歇根心理学家，其博士论文是名声的影响，采访过一流的演员，运动界名人和其他人进行研究。“对一个过着普通生活的人来说，突然被扔到聚光灯下，会是非常难以应付的。”
Bendjelloul had poured every ounce of energy and artistic flair he had into Sugar Man, and now that it was over, he was struggling to find a new passion, say his friends. In the final weeks, he told those closest to him, a fear had taken hold that somehow, inexplicably, he had “lost his creativity.” So, when spring arrived, Bendjelloul decided to travel home to Sweden. The dark Nordic winter was lifting, and the days soon would grow longer and lighter. He wanted to see old friends. And there was something else: Bendjelloul’s mother, painter and translator Veronica Schildt Bendjelloul, would be turning 70 on May 20.
他的朋友说，本德杰鲁已经将他每一点能量和艺术天分投入到了小糖人中，现在这一切结束了，他不得不努力找到新的热情。在最后几周，他告诉那些他亲近的人，一种莫名的害怕抓住了他，说不清楚为什么，他“失去了他的创造力”。因此，当春天到了的时候，本德杰鲁决定回家去瑞典。北欧阴沉的冬天就要走了，白天会变得越来越长越来越亮。他希望看看老朋友。还有一些事：本德杰鲁的妈妈，画家和翻译维罗妮卡•希尔特•本德杰鲁在五月二十日就七十岁了。
Bendhelloul was born in Ystad, in the south of Sweden, the second of two sons. His father, Hacene, was a physician who emigrated from Algeria; his mother a Swedish artist and translator of books.
本德杰鲁生于瑞典南部的伊斯塔德，家里两个儿子中的第二个。他的爸爸哈桑是一位从阿尔及利亚移民的医生，他的妈妈是一个瑞典艺术家和书籍翻译者。
As a child, Bendjelloul acted in a popular Swedish television drama called Ebba and Didrik, about two siblings whose idyllic family is upended by domestic disputes and romantic intrigue.
还是孩子的时候，本德杰鲁参演了非常出名的瑞典电视喜剧《艾巴和迪德里克》，一部讲述两兄弟田园般的家庭生活被内战和浪漫阴谋颠倒的故事。
After high school in Angelholm, Bendjelloul enrolled in a visual media program at Kalmar University. During the late ’90s, television producer Per Sinding Larsen visited the school to give a talk and review the students’ work. Bendjelloul’s clips immediately jumped out at him.
在安格赫尔姆读完高中后，本德杰鲁参加了卡马尔大学的一个可视媒体项目。90年代后期，电视制作人佩尔•辛丁•拉森访问该校进行演讲，在看过学生们的作品后，本德杰鲁的片子一下就吸引了他。
They demonstrated a creative power and tenacity he never had seen before. Bendjelloul was using tools that even professionals hadn’t yet mastered. “I couldn’t figure out how he [did it],” says Larsen. “He didn’t have the money or the means to do the things he was doing already at the time.”
这些片子展示了一种他以前从未见过的创造力和韧劲。本德杰鲁使用的工具是专业人员都没有完全掌握的。“我说不出他怎么（办到的）”，拉森说，“他没有资金或者手段去做他当时已经完成的事情。”
A few years later, Larsen ran into Bendjelloul at a production company in Stockholm where the young man had gotten a job. “There were quite a few talents, but he was something special,” recalls Larsen during an interview in Stockholm. “I think I was a bit jealous — he knew the media in a way I didn’t.” Larsen was so impressed with Bendjelloul and liked him so much, he kept in touch.
几年后，拉森偶然在斯德哥尔摩本德杰鲁工作的制作公司遇到了他。“有天分的人不少，但他有一些特别。”拉森在斯德哥尔摩接受采访时回忆：“我承认我有点嫉妒——他以一种我办不到的方式理解媒体。”拉森对本德杰鲁印象深刻，也非常喜欢，因此保持着联系。
In subsequent years, Larsen would become a casual mentor to Bendjelloul, helping him develop professionally in the rough-and-tumble world of deadline journalism but also personally. Bendjelloul, in turn, befriended Larsen’s family, regularly attending birthdays and family events. Often late at night, in the studio or out in Stockholm, the two would have long, meandering conversations. Bendjelloul often questioned his own life path, wondering whether he should settle down and with whom; whether he should have kids.
接下来几年，拉森成为了本德杰鲁的导师，帮助他在这个新闻业末日混乱的世界成为行家也在生活上帮助他。本德杰鲁，相应的，成为拉森家的朋友，定期参加生日会和家庭聚会。经常是深夜了，在斯德哥尔摩的工作室或外面，两个人进行长时间的漫谈。本德杰鲁经常询问他人生的道路，会想他是否该和谁安定下来，是否该生孩子。
More passionately than most, he thought about the ideas that went into his work; he wanted to change the way that television was made. Sometimes, it seemed to Larsen that his sensitive young friend risked being swallowed up by the frenetic, fast-paced environment of the world of media. He wanted to protect him.
比大多数人更充满热情，他思考那些进入到他工作中的灵感；他试图改变电视制作的方法。有时候，拉森觉得他这位敏感年轻的朋友冒着被媒体所在的疯狂的，快速的世界环境吞噬的风险。他试图保护他。
But if Bendjelloul was worried about something more serious, Larsen never attributed more than a passing importance to it; everybody, concluded Larsen, needed to grow up, and Bendjelloul was no different. “We had talks regularly, and I tried to tell him you can’t separate those two sides,” recalls Larsen. “You can’t just forget what you have at home. Or you can, but you’ll have to deal with it.”
但是假如本德杰鲁对什么问题更加担心，拉森从未认为它不重要。每个人，拉森认为，都需要成长，本德杰鲁也不例外。“我们会定期的讨论，我试图告诉他你不能把两边分开。”拉森回忆着：“你不能忘记你在家有什么，或者你能，但是你不得不去应付它。”
During the early 2000s, Bendjelloul went to work for Kobra, which aired on publicly funded Swedish TV (SVT). From the start, he established himself as the in-house creative wizard and set the bar for other reporters to meet. 2000年早期，本德杰鲁为眼镜蛇项目工作，通过瑞典电视台（SVT）向公众播出。从那开始，他已经成为了内部创造的奇才并为其他记者设定了标准。
He had a spirited, frenetic energy and often would bounce up and down from one foot to the other as he excitedly pitched story after story to his editors. They reciprocated, giving him plenty of room to explore his passions.
他精神饱满，有着疯狂的精力，经常兴奋地一步一步上下蹦跳着把他的故事一个接一个扔给他的编辑。作为报答，他们给他更多的空间释放他的激情。
During work lunches, he would order huge salads accompanied by sandwiches and ferociously nibble his way through them, consuming little but leaving a detritus of crumbs and shredded napkins on the table — like Fantastic Mr. Fox, says one friend.
他的一个朋友说，工作午饭时间，他会点一份巨大的沙拉配三明治，极其小口的从中间吃掉，吃的很少却留下了一大堆面包碎屑和撕碎的餐巾纸在桌上，就像《了不起的狐狸爸爸》。
His energy was infectious, his ideas wild and exciting. Reporting trips took him all over Sweden but also abroad. He traveled to Iran, Ethiopia and South America.
他的活力充满感染力，他的想法狂野而令人振奋。报道的旅行带他走遍了瑞典也去了国外。他去过伊朗，埃塞俄比亚和南美。
Back in the vast hallways of SVT, he would disappear down a long hallway and into a cavernous editing vault called R6, where he would remain for days and sometimes weeks, perfecting his work.
回到SVT的巨大的门厅，他消失在一条长长的走廊末端，进入了像洞穴一样的R6编辑室，他会在这儿带上几天有时甚至几周，完善他的作品。
Bendjelloul relied on paper, glue, scissors and a huge appetite for endless hours of work. He knew his way around a computer, but he much preferred the more antiquated methods and being able to see his work in front of him, to play with it in a tactile way. Few people bothered him in the editing vault. “We always knew that whatever he came back with would be perfect,” says Jane Magnusson, a Kobra colleague. “We called him our genius-in-residence.”
本德杰鲁靠的是纸张、胶水、剪刀和对无数个小时工作的欲望。他知道使用电脑的方法，但他更偏爱这种老方法，能够看到他的作品展现在他眼前，一种可以触摸得到的方式。几乎没有人会去编辑室打扰他。“我们都知道无论他带什么回来都会是完美的。”简•芒努松，眼镜蛇项目的同事说到：“我们把他称为我们的常驻天才。”
Many of these early short films showcased Bendjelloul’s burgeoning artistry. He could be fascinated by ominous signs and strange portents and fashioned a clever piece about the brief 1960s obsession with clues in Beatles paraphernalia alluding to Paul McCartney’s imminent death — only to debunk it all later.
这些早期短片都展示了本德杰鲁艺术的迅速成长。他陶醉于把各种预兆和奇怪的迹象构成一条巧妙的线索，用一个简短的20世纪60年代痴迷的披头士用品的线索暗指保罗•马卡特尼将要死亡，——直到后来才全部揭穿。
He loved the French analog master Michel Gondry and spent hours cutting, pasting and fashioning cardboard cutouts into miniature sets in R6.
他喜欢法国模拟大师米歇尔•冈瑞，花了好几个小时剪辑，粘贴，加工了一个硬纸板的剪纸图案做成微缩模型里放在R6编辑室。
He stunned his colleagues with a movie short that would be played at the beginning of each Kobra episode; it had been shot in one very long, very carefully orchestrated take, with actors jumping in and out of scenes on Bendjelloul’s cue.
他用一个电影短片震惊了他的同事，这个短片可以放在眼镜蛇项目片段的任何一个章节的开始；拍摄成了一个非常长，非常精心编制的镜头，演员可以在本德杰鲁的线索里跳进跳出。
In another short piece from those days, a Swedish-Hungarian designer ruminates on the beauty of dead stuffed animals versus live ones. Bendjelloul interjects a question: “Is death more beautiful than life?”
同时期的另一个短片里，一个瑞士裔匈牙利设计师对一个美丽的死亡动物填充和一个活着的进行比对思考。本德杰鲁插入一个问题：“死亡比生命更美吗？”
Bendjelloul then edited it in such a way that as the designer responds, saying that a photograph is “like a picture of a hero … the best representation,” a mirror slides across the frame and Bendjelloul himself appears — thin and smiling — nodding placidly in agreement.
然后本德杰鲁做了一个对设计师的回答，一个镜像的幻灯片穿过画面，本德杰鲁本人出现了——很瘦并且笑着——平静的点头表示同意，他说那照片“像一个英雄的画像……最好的代言”。
Skeptical that Bendjelloul was harboring any thoughts of suicide at the time, another SVT producer, Emelie Persson, nonetheless recalled that very clip several times in the days after Bendjelloul’s death, wondering, as those left behind by suicides often do, if she had missed something.
有人怀疑本德杰鲁那时候就抱着关于自杀的想法，尽管如此，另一个SVT制作人，艾米丽•佩尔松，在本德杰鲁死后几天好几次回忆这个片段，思考着，就像那些自杀者死后人们通常做的那样，想她是不是漏了什么。
Faced with the overwhelming suddenness of his death, others wondered the same thing. But again and again, the answer came back a resounding no. Bendjelloul’s zest for life had been huge, his enthusiasm infectious and all-encompassing. In 2006, after several years working at Kobra, Bendjelloul grew restless and decided to travel. 面对他压倒性的突如其来的死亡，其他人也在想同样的事情。但是一遍又一遍，这个问题的答案总是得到一个响亮的否定。本德杰鲁对生活的热爱是强烈的，他的热情是那么的具有感染力那么的无所不在。在2006年，经过在眼镜蛇项目几年的工作，本德杰鲁越来越无法满足决定去旅行。
Reluctant to lose his talent, another producer secured him some money and asked him to send in reports from abroad. It was during a trip to South Africa in 2006 that he walked into a record store off Kloof Street in Cape Town and met the owner, Stephen Segerman, who told him a story that would change his life. It involved an American musician named Rodriguez, who had shaped an entire generation of South Africans with his mournful, rebellious ballads during the long years of apartheid only to disappear without a trace. People assumed he had died. 不愿失去这个才华横溢的人，另一个制作人付给他一些钱请他从国外发回报道。2006年在南非旅行期间，他走进开普敦峡谷街的唱片店见到了店主斯蒂芬•瑟吉曼，店主告诉他一个改变了他人生的故事。故事关于一个叫做罗德里格斯的美国音乐人，用他悲伤的，反叛的民歌在长年的种族隔离时期影响了南非整整一代人，却突然消失得无影无踪。人们以为他死了。
Rodriguez had been a megastar in South Africa, where his hit song “Sugarman,” off a debut album titled Cold Fact, was a staple for hundreds of thousands of young people. The singer was all but unknown at home in the U.S. Bendjelloul sent the idea to Klintberg, who very quickly realized that seven short minutes on Kobra wasn’t going to be nearly enough. She encouraged him to make a movie.
罗德里格斯已经成为南非的巨型，他首张专辑《冷酷的事实》主打歌曲“小糖人”，是成百上千年轻人的最爱。这个歌手却在美国的家里毫不知情。本德杰鲁把这个想法发给了克林伯格，她马上意识到眼镜蛇项目的七分钟短片远远不够。她鼓励他拍一部电影。
Bendjelloul leapt at the chance, knowing he had stumbled onto the story of a lifetime. He had no money, but he made do. He stayed at Segerman’s house, and they drove around Cape Town in a cheap car. They listened to one of Bendjelloul’s favorite groups, Slow Dive, as they drove along the picturesque cliffs of Chapman’s Peak one day, waiting for the perfect shot. And as the months passed, they bonded; with each revolution of the unfolding tale, they often said to each other, “This story always has happy endings.”
本德杰鲁抓住了这个机会，知道他遇到了一个千载难逢的故事。他没有钱，但是他要做。他留在瑟吉曼的家，他们开着便宜的车在开普敦到处转。他们听着本德杰鲁喜欢一个乐队，慢潜乐队，沿着查普曼峰陡峭如画的峭壁开一天，等着拍摄最美的瞬间。几个月过去了，他们连在了一起。每一次对这个故事展开的探讨，他们常常向对方说：“这个故事总是会有一个圆满的结局。”
Bendjelloul’s ensuing search for the mysterious “Sugar Man,” which took five years, all of his money and a considerable part of his emotional energy, went on to become one of the most celebrated films of the year, garnering Bendjelloul every significant award of the season and culminating in the Academy Award for best documentary feature.
接下来本德杰鲁搜寻神秘的“小糖人”花了五年，他所有的钱和他相当大部分的感情精力，转变成了当年最著名的电影之一，让本德杰鲁获得了该季度每一个重大的奖项，最终获得了奥斯卡最佳记录片。
During the early editing, he had told Klintberg, “I don’t understand why I wouldn’t aim for an Oscar.” Responded Klintberg, “Are you crazy?” But Bendjelloul knew what he wanted and set about making it happen with a passion that soon took over his life.
在编辑的早期，他告诉克林伯格：“我不知道我为什么不以奥斯卡为目标。”克林伯格回应道：“你疯了吧？”但是本德杰鲁知道他想要什么并且用一种占据了他全部生命的热情去促使这一切发生。
It was a mark of his generosity that he brought along everyone who had helped him. Segerman recalls a dinner at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival, just before the premiere, where Bendjelloul’s sensitivity was on full display. “He stood up and thanked everyone, and he talked about each person in particular who helped him get there. There is not one person who had any problems with that guy.” When he took the stage to accept his Oscar, the drive that had gotten him there was replaced in an instant by the characteristic charm and innocence that had endeared him to so many. “Oh, boy,” he said, with a huge grin.
他慷慨的一种表现就是带来所有帮助过他的人。瑟吉曼回忆2012年圣丹斯电影节的一场宴会，在首映前，本德杰鲁的敏感表现得淋漓尽致。“他站起来感谢了每一个人，他特别谈论了每一个帮助他走到这一步的人。”当他走上台接受奥斯卡奖的时候，那种驱使他到达这一步的动力瞬间变成了一种吸引人的特色，变成一种让惹人喜爱的纯粹。“哦，天哪。”他说，咧着嘴大大的笑着。
Bendjelloul’s mind, like that of so many artistic geniuses, also had an obsessive quality. As creative as he was, he also could be rigid and uncompromising — “anal,” in the words of several friends who knew him well. He created elaborate routines and rituals that helped channel and direct his creativity.
本德杰鲁的心智，像许多艺术天才一样，也带有一种强迫的特质。如他拥有的创造力一样，他也非常的严格和固执——“直肠子”了解他的几个朋友这么形容。他规定了精细的日常活动规则和固定程序帮助他开发和直达他的创造力。
While editing Sugar Man at his Stockholm apartment, for instance, he began work only once he had completed one full lap walking around his apartment; he signaled the end of the work day with the same single loop.
比如，他在斯德哥尔摩的公寓编辑小糖人的时候，他只在完整绕公寓散步一圈后才开始工作；他也用同样的一个圈来标志一天工作的结束。
He gave himself exactly 1,000 days to edit Sugar Man and held himself close to it. He could be quirky and fun with his self-imposed rules.
他给自己整整1000天去编辑小糖人并帮助自己接近这个设定。他非常古怪而有趣的给自己强加规则。
Last summer, during a radio series called Summer Talks in which prominent Swedes take to the airwaves and speak about their lives, Bendjelloul informed listeners that they would hear only songs whose titles began with the letter “I”: “I Am the Walrus” and “I Hate You Forever.”
去年夏天，在一档叫做夏日闲谈的电台广播系列节目里，瑞典名人会参与讲述他们的生活，本德杰鲁告诉听众他们只听歌名开头是“我”的歌曲，比如“我是海象”和“我永远用恨你”。
He said his favorite film was Lars von Trier’s The Five Obstructions, in which one director challenges another to make “the perfect human” five times with a different obstruction each time.
他说他最喜欢的电影是拉斯•冯•提尔的《五道障碍》，在这部电影里一个导演向另一个导演提出挑战要求在五种不同的障碍下分别重拍《完美的人》。
More recently, he concocted an elaborate work schedule for writing, which involved four hours of uninterrupted work, from 8 a.m. to noon. But sometimes he would begin later, in which case he would set his clock back to the 8 a.m. hour so that no matter the actual time of day, he would be able to work in the time he allotted himself.
最近，他精心制作了一个写作时间表，包含了四个小时不受打扰的工作，从早上八点到下午。但是有时候他开始的晚了，他就把钟调到早上八点不管那天实际上是几点，他才能在他分派给自己的时间里工作。
These habits extended to his personal life as well. He would, for example, force himself to eat exactly the same breakfast for six months straight simply for the joy of, finally, one day changing breakfasts.
这些习惯也延伸到他的私人生活。比如，他会强迫自己在六个月里吃一模一样的早饭就为了终于有一天换了早饭的欢乐。
There was, for a long time, a particular brand of canned tomato sauce in Sweden that he loved, and when he learned that it was going out of production, he called up every single shop in Stockholm and bought out their remaining stock. He was perfectly happy to eat pasta with this particular brand of tomato sauce every night.
有很长一阵子，他都喜欢吃瑞典某一个牌子的罐装番茄酱，当他听说这个牌子要停产了，他就给斯德哥尔摩的每个店打电话买光他们的库存。他就是超级喜欢每天晚上沾着这个牌子的番茄酱吃意大利面。
One day he told Klintberg that he had decided to break up with a girlfriend because they had been going out for exactly four years, four months and four days. “It always seemed totally reasonable when he said it,” recalls Klintberg. “He was very convincing.”
有一天他告诉克林伯格他决定和女友分手因为他们已经约会了刚好四年四个月四天。“他说的时候就好像这是非常合理的，”克林伯格回忆着，“他非常具有说服力。”
To Klintberg and others, these eccentricities seemed like the harmless, even charming quirks of an artist for whom life itself was a tableau that could be played with or manipulated to enhance its power — or perhaps dull its ability to inflict pain.
对克林伯格和其他人来说，这些怪癖看起来没什么坏处，对一个艺术家来说反而有点迷人的小古怪，生活就像一出可以玩耍的戏剧或者可以通过控制强化能力——或者变得麻木可以减少痛苦。
“It was like he was creating ways to not be disappointed,” says Klintberg, “so he wasn’t disappointed, until now. And when it came, it struck him so hard because he wasn’t used to it. I think that this [depression] was a total shock for him and very unexpected. He didn’t have the tools to handle this situation. It was like a psychosis, I think.”
“就好像他在创造不失望的方法，”克林伯格说，“因此他不会失望，直到现在。当真的来了的时候，给他的打击太大了因为他根本不习惯。我认为这个（压抑）对他来说完全是个打击而且是意料之外的。他没有处理这种情形的方法。这就像精神错乱，我觉得。”
He also was sensitive and, like many artists, complicated. To the people closest to him, Bendjelloul sometimes showed a temper. While working on Sugar Man, Bendjelloul often was broke, or nearly so. His old friend and mentor Per Larsen offered to get him a job to help with the bills. It didn’t pay much, but Larsen figured something was better than nothing.
他还非常敏感，就像其它艺术家，非常复杂。对那些亲近他的人，本德杰鲁有时候会发脾气。在摄制小糖人的时候，本德杰鲁常常身无分文，或者近乎如此。他的老朋友和导师佩尔•拉森给他一份工作可以付账单。工作的收入不高，但是拉森觉得有点总比没有好。
Bendjelloul thought otherwise and exploded over the phone, berating Larsen for thinking such an ill-paying job was worth it and making it clear that he felt patronized. It did no lasting damage to the friendship, but it belied another, deeper level to the man “everybody loved.”
本德杰鲁却不这么想，还在电话里发飙，骂拉森觉得这么低廉的工作也值得去做，说这让他觉得被施舍了。这对他们的友谊没有遗留什么损害，但是这证明了其实这个人内在其实不是一个“人见人爱”的类型。
When Bendjelloul first applied to the Swedish Film Academy for funding, a consultant there viewed an early version of Sugar Man and told Bendjelloul it was “s—-.” This episode understandably provided the grist for repeated late-night sessions with Larsen in which Bendjelloul raged against the established arbiters of culture and taste. “What kind of films do they fund?” he lamented.
本德杰鲁第一次申请瑞典电影奖的赞助，咨询顾问看了小糖人的早期版本后告诉本德杰鲁这个片子是个“S——-”。这件事成了本德杰鲁和拉森深夜会议发火的原料，他指责审查员的文化和品位：“他们到底赞助的都是什么电影？”
Over the years of their friendship, Larsen had begun to probe gently into Bendjelloul’s past and his family. Bendjelloul often told Larsen stories about his father. They were almost as fantastical as some of his short films — fairy tales about his roots and land and perhaps a lost family fortune, a bygone nobility to which he nonetheless felt a certain attachment. In the end, Bendjelloul never told Larsen anything that was cause for major concern. And Larsen, like so many of Bendjelloul’s friends, was in the dark right up until the last moment, at which point it was too late.
有着多年的友谊，拉森开始试探的了解本德杰鲁的过去和他的家庭。本德杰鲁常常告诉拉森一些关于他父亲的故事。这些故事就跟他的短片一样不可思议——关于他的根源和故乡的神话故事，也许还有失去的家庭财富，失去了但是他仍能感觉到流淌的贵族血液。到头来，本德杰鲁从未告诉拉森任何需要关心的事情。而拉森，像本德杰鲁其他朋友一样，一直不明实情直到最后一刻，已经为时过晚。
Looking back now, many of his friends wonder what combination of factors — genetic, professional, artistic — collided so violently to cast Bendjelloul into such an abysmal despair. “In depression, it’s the darkness, it’s completely like there’s no hope,” says Larsen. “I was wondering if there was something that made him go up and down, with his family or his genes, but which he dealt with through his work, his movie — and suddenly there wasn’t anything. So the darkness comes up.”
回过头来，他的许多朋友都在想到底是什么因素——遗传，专业，艺术——猛烈的碰撞在一起将本德杰鲁扔进了绝望的深渊。“绝望的时候是一片黑暗的，完全毫无希望的感觉。”拉森说，“我在想如果有什么让他忽上忽下，他的家庭或者他的天性，但是他通过他的工作，他的电影解决，突然什么都没了。于是黑暗完全笼罩了他。”
By all accounts, Bendjelloul tried his best to keep the flush of success in check. Segerman recalls how, at Vanity Fair's Oscar party, he and Bendjelloul stood off to the side taking everything in while everybody else seemed, on the face of it, to be working, planning the next thing, making the next big deal. Bendjelloul wanted to remain connected to his friends.
据说，本德杰鲁试图保持不断的成功。瑟吉曼回忆，他如何和本德杰鲁在奥斯卡名利场派对上带着所有远远呆在一边而其他人看起来，表面看来，都有工作，计划下一件事，有下一件大事要做。本德杰鲁想要和他的朋友们保持联系。
When reporters asked Johar whether success had contributed to his brother’s demise, Johar replied, “He was a very straightforward person when it came to success,” he said. “Admirably earthy and relaxed. Unimaginably relaxed about [his] successes, I cannot see any such links.”
记者问乔哈尔他弟弟的死是否跟成功有关系，乔哈尔回答：“说到成功他是一个非常坦率的人。”他说：“非常朴实和放松。他对成功难以想象的放松，我不觉得这个是原因。”
But while Bendjelloul might have put on a good face, the toll of success might have been greater than even he had realized. “To achieve such widespread and unparalleled acclaim and then to have to ask yourself, ‘Now what?’ ” says Rockwell. “In that world of Hollywood and New York, you really have to keep producing. You can’t just have a work of art. It’s always, ‘What’s next?’ And the pressure, coupled with the onslaught and impact of fame, can be quite challenging terrain to navigate.”但是可能本德杰鲁只是看起来不错，成功的代价可能比他意识到的还要大。“获得了如此广泛和空前的喝彩，接下来你就不得不问问自己‘现在呢？’”洛克威尔说到：“在好莱坞和纽约，你真的不得不一直创造。你不能只有一个艺术作品。总是‘接下来呢？’。压力和名声的猛攻和影响，是一个需要克服的巨大挑战。”
In hindsight, several of his friends wondered whether achieving such massive success at such a young age might have placed Bendjelloul in an uncomfortable quandary.
事后看来，他的一些朋友觉得那么年轻就获得了如此巨大的成功可能让本德杰鲁处于一个非常不适的困境。
 “After a huge success, maybe the best way is to produce something small,” says Klintberg. “Instead of aiming even bigger, he could have come and worked for me and made small things instead of aiming to make a bigger film.”
“巨大的成功之后，最好的方式就是做点小事情。”克林伯格说：“不要找那些更大的目标，他可以为我工作，做一些简单的事，而不是去做一部更大的电影。”
By early May of this year, Bendjelloul had returned to Sweden and already was contacting friends. He texted Klintberg with a message: “Karin, I miss you and how are you?” On May 2, he and Klintberg met for lunch. Bendjelloul seemed happy. They spoke about his script; his girlfriend Brittany Huckabee, an American documentary filmmaker; where he was going to live — the usual things. Meanwhile, however, his sleeping problems had continued and were leaving him anxious and depressed. He told people close to him that he was convinced that he had lost his creativity and would never get it back.
今年五月份上旬，本德杰鲁回到瑞典已经联系了朋友。他发信息给克林伯格：“卡琳，我很想你，你好吗？”五月二日，他和克林伯格见面吃了个午饭。本德杰鲁看起来很开心。他们聊了他的手稿；他的女友布列塔尼•赫卡比，一个美国的记录片电影制作人；他打算搬到哪儿去住——都是些日常的事情。不过同时，他也还是失眠，这让他很焦虑和压抑。他告诉亲近的人们他觉得他已经失去了他的创造力，并且可能再也没有了。
To Klintberg, Bendjelloul had said he wanted to get to work right away, and she happily had obliged and offered him a project to take on. When she asked how long he would stay in Stockholm, he told her that “if and when Hollywood called,” he would have to go. She immediately wished he had just said “when Hollywood called” and wondered to herself whether the sudden rise to fame was too much for Bendjelloul.
对克林伯格来说，本德杰鲁说过他想马上开始工作，她很高兴的给他了一个项目去做。当她问他能在瑞典呆多久时，他告诉她“如果好莱坞什么时候要我，”他就不得不走了。她立即就希望他说的是“好莱坞什么时候要我”并心里想着突来的名声对本德杰鲁来说是不是太多了。
On Monday, May 5, Klintberg was out of town, and Bendjelloul showed up to work anyway despite her assurances that he could take his time getting back into his rhythm. But by Tuesday, May 6, Bendjelloul had changed his mind. He called Klintberg and told her he didn’t want to be part of the project. He didn’t like the approach they were taking, he explained: It was too repetitive. “I can’t come in to do this,” Bendjelloul told her. “I want to have a small challenge, not too big a challenge.” She said she understood and, in a sad irony, later realized he had been right about the show’s faults. They agreed to meet up again soon. But Klintberg never saw him again.
五月五日周一，克林伯格出了镇，本德杰鲁露面出来工作尽管她说他可以根据自己的情况回来工作。但是五月六日周二，本德杰鲁改变了他的主意。他打电话给克林伯格说他不想参与这个项目。他不喜欢他们做事的方式，他解释说：这太重复了。“我不能来做这个，”本德杰鲁告诉她：“我想做一些小点的挑战，不要太大的挑战。”她说她理解，讽刺而又令人难过的是，她后来意识到他对这个秀有错的看法是正确的。他们说好不久再见一次。但是克林伯格再也见不到他了。
Klintberg looks back on their encounters and remains convinced that her friend, the former childhood actor, was not acting at all, but that his happiness was genuine and his commitment to life authentic. But in the shadow of his death, every little thing now has taken on a greater significance. All those arbitrary, live-by-numbers rules now, in hindsight, leave her with an uneasy feeling. “Now, with this end? No, they seem more serious,” she says. “What was a small, little joke or a small thing — now it feels bigger.”
克林伯格回头看看他们的相遇还是相信她的朋友，前儿童演员，没有在演戏，他的快乐是真的，他对生命的承诺是可靠的。但是在他死亡的笼罩下，所有的小事现在都变得更加重大。所有那些武断的，生活的那些准则，现在看来，都给她留下了难受的感觉。“现在，这样的结局？不，他们看起来更严肃，”她说：“不论多小的笑话或者小事——现在都变得更严重了。”
While still in New York, Bendjelloul had invited Larsen to come for a visit. He missed talking to his mentor and in a phone conversation had expressed his desire to get Larsen’s advice on several projects. But family obligations kept Larsen from traveling, and in any event, the news of Bendjelloul’s impending return to Sweden meant the two could reunite at home. But Larsen never saw him, either.
还在纽约的时候，本德杰鲁邀请拉森去探访。他想跟他的导师谈话并在电话里说他希望在一些项目上得到拉森的建议。但是家里的事情让拉森走不开，而且不管怎样，本德杰鲁即将回瑞典的消息意味着两人可以在家见面。但是拉森也再没能见到他。
The void left by Bendjelloul’s disappearance is such that Larsen has found himself looking in the oddest places, like astrology, for answers to his endless questions. Every day, he casts himself into abstractions as a way to try and find his friend. He wonders whether the messiness of life without a movie like Searching for Sugar Man to keep Bendjelloul’s attention focused contributed to his death. The director had grown up a lot under Larsen’s careful gaze, evolving from a happy kid to a mature, developed artist. But there still were so many unanswered questions.
本德杰鲁的离开留下了如此一大片空白令拉森觉得他自己总是在看奇怪的领域，比如占星术，为了回答他无尽的问题。每一天，他把自己投进抽象里试图寻找他的朋友。他想知道是否因为没有了像寻找小糖人这样让本德杰鲁专注的电影，混乱的生命导致了他的死亡。这位导演在拉森的关心下已经成长了很多，从一个快乐的孩子变成了一个成年人，成熟的艺术家。但是仍然还有那么多未解答的问题。
By the second week of May, only a few people in the very inner sanctum had access to Bendjelloul — his brother, his girlfriend, another female friend and some of his extended family. To distant friends like Stephen Segerman in Cape Town, Bendjelloul responded to emails and texts with enthusiastic but short replies. “Wow!” he replied to an email Segerman had sent him about a recent lawsuit that had emerged as a result of the movie and Rodriguez’s record sales.
五月的第二周，只有几个人能在非常内部场所见到本德杰鲁——他的哥哥，他的女友，另一位女性朋友和他家里的亲戚。像史蒂芬•瑟吉曼这样在开普敦的遥远的朋友，本德杰鲁回复了热情但是简短的电子邮件。他给瑟吉曼发给他最近因为电影的结果和罗德里格斯的唱片销售而发生的一场诉讼的回复是：“喔！”
The news of Bendjelloul’s death hit Segerman with brutal force. Bendjelloul always had seemed so centered. But there was no way to know what was roiling underneath. “We said this story always has happy endings, but unfortunately we can’t say that anymore,” says Segerman. “It’s been a wonderful journey, but this is just too sad; it’s absolutely shocking.”
本德杰鲁死亡的新闻十分打击瑟吉曼。本德杰鲁总是一切的中心。但是不知道现在下面涌动着什么了。“我们说这个故事总是有个圆满的结局，但不幸的是我们再也不能这么说了。”瑟吉曼说：“本来是个很精彩的履行，但现在太难过了。实在是太震惊了。”
There is a small shrine of sorts for Malik Bendjelloul in the downtown Stockholm offices of Swedish Television, near a blue neon sign that says Kobra — a memento that Bendjelloul himself bought for his colleagues years ago. 瑞典电视台在斯德哥尔摩市中心办公室有一个小小的马利克•本德杰鲁纪念处，靠近一个蓝色的霓虹灯牌写着眼镜蛇项目——一个本德杰鲁自己几年前为他的同事买的纪念品。
The shrine consists of two small pictures, three candles and a black condolence book whose pages are empty. “Nobody dares sign it because we all think he’s going to come back,” says his former colleague Magnusson. But the real shrine is elsewhere — in that massive, soundproofed room at the end of a series of hallways that feels more like an airline hangar: the R6 editing vault.
纪念处有两个小画组成，三根蜡烛和一个黑色的空白的哀悼簿。他的前同事芒努松说：“没有人敢在上面写因为我们都觉得他会回来的。” 但是其实真正的纪念无处不在——在那一串更像是一个航空公司的飞机棚的门廊尽头的巨大的，隔音的房间：R6编辑室。
Inside there are two pianos, a table with an editing suite in a corner, a large mirror and a mortarboard where pictures can be tacked and hung. Once the doors close, the room is utterly silent, a womb for creativity and reflection. It was here that Bendjelloul spent the years of his apprenticeship as a visual artist, perfecting the craft that ultimately would allow him to undertake his epic search for “Sugar Man” and, because all great art is a reflection of the artist, too, the search for himself with such force of will and unerring exactitude. The silence and isolation of R6 was both Bendjelloul’s refuge and his inspiration. And as soon as time permits, the staff of Kobra, many of whom accompanied him on his journey, will place a single brass plaque there with the room’s new name.
里面有两架钢琴，角落里放着一张右编辑设备的桌子，一个大镜子和一个钉放悬挂图片的灰板。一旦把门关上，房间就完全的安静，创造力和沉思的温床。就是在这儿本德杰鲁做了数年的视觉艺术学徒，练就了他最终可以制作史诗般的寻找小糖人的技艺，因为所有伟大的艺术也都是艺术家的映像，用这种意志的力量和不容偏差的精准寻找他自己。安静和隔绝的R6是本德杰鲁的避难所也是他的灵感所在。只要时间允许就和他一起旅行的眼镜蛇项目的员工，将会给这个房间放一个黄铜色的小牌上面是这个房间的新名字。
It will say, very simply: Studio Malik.
牌子上写的是，很简单：马利克工作室。

70年代初，他先后在美国发行了两张唱片，sugar man 就是其中一首(插播：sugar man是什么意思呢？难道是卖糖的人？糖还要找人卖？美国这么缺糖，水深火热啊。。。其实是看上去像糖的白粉，也就是毒品，吃了一颗，欲仙欲死，了无烦恼，四大皆空，这首歌的大意就是过的太尼玛苦了，吃个摇头丸吧，啊，银色的大船，跳动的可乐，漂亮的姑娘，啊，，，欢迎试听http://www.xiami.com/artist/44450插播完毕），他尽心尽力并且被所有人看好，然而这倒霉的孩子也许是前世修来的福气，两张唱片总共卖了几十张，他也像自己歌里唱的，“圣诞节前的一个星期我丢了工作”。被解约之后，他选择去做农民工，过着一文不名的生活。

与此同时，一个偶然的机会，他的一张盗版碟被带到南非，从此南非人民人手一张，他的歌走哪放哪，他的名字家喻户晓，这里是重点，仅仅是他的名字家喻户晓，除了这个名字之外，南非人民对这位天王巨星一无所知。当时南非正在实行种族隔离和闭关锁国，他歌词里劳苦大众生活的苦闷，反叛，给了南非人民无穷的共鸣和冲破体制的力量，而他本人，不知为何被模糊的传成早已在舞台上自杀，并且所有人都深信不疑。(这是一个很好的传播学案例）

直到98年的某一天，某好事者想弄明白这家伙到底是怎么死的，却惊讶的发现这家伙竟然还透活着。通过网络，终于联系上了这家伙的女儿。于是这家伙拎着吉他来南非开演唱会了。面对着人山人海男女老少的观众，他终于站在本该二三十年前就属于自己的舞台上，说了一句，thanks for keeping me alive.接下来淡定且从容的开始唱，就好像这一刻是如此的顺其自然自然而然。

回到美国后，他像脱掉鞋子的灰姑娘，继续过着默默无闻的农民工生活，勤勤恳恳的工作，不比任何农民工少干，甚至比别的农民工还要卖力。他继续住着住了40年的小房子，生活捉襟见肘，开演唱会住酒店不睡豪华大床，因为“没必要让人收拾那么大一个床”，你可能要问，他丫红了不是应该发财了吗？—他把大部分收入都给了家人亲戚。

——传闻说你早就die了

——不，我不会自杀，我可以活下去

他不但活下去，还生儿育女，他虽然收入不高，依然在休息日穿着体面，带他们去那些通常只有富人才去的地方，歌剧院，博物馆，因为物质上穷，精神依旧是可以丰富多彩的。

这就是Rodriguez的故事，一个倒霉而睿智的家伙。其实到底还是幸运的，在历史的长河里，像他这样默默无闻过着失意的生活，却永远等不到才华被发现的那一天，的人，恐怕就像河边的石子，数也数不清。

好友H是一位杂志记者，工作五六年，算是努力，但未见什么成绩。圈子内外，没有多少人知道她，比起一些年纪差不多但迅速声名鹊起的同行，她很不起眼。有时她也嘲笑自己，更多时候安之若命，知道没有过人天赋，只求做到力能所及。她常将一些采访前后的故事讲给我听，八卦之外，有一则让我印象深刻：

几年前她曾做过一次叶嘉莹先生的采访，谈古典诗词的研究。报道照例没太大反响，但有一位山东的读者特地发来短信，告诉H他的故事。这位读者因为对现在的学校教育不满，便在周末聚集起同事及邻居的孩子，开设私塾，教授古典文学。然而以如此“理想”占用孩子们本应去学英语学奥数的“现实”，究竟是对是错，他心里常有犹豫。直到读到那篇报道，看到叶嘉莹以一生的感悟现身说法，他终于又找到坚持下去的底气。

一年后，对方又发短信来，告诉H私塾坚持至今，效果良好，并再次感谢。那时H自己正在低谷期，住在冬天猛灌冷风的小房子里，没想到会以这种方式，被曾经的努力反哺自己。

于是她眼睛闪亮地告诉我，她并不奢望自己做的事情会推动社会进步或者彰显正义，一篇报道哪怕只对一个人有实际的影响，也就足够了。说这话时她未尝不存着自我安慰的心思，但不妨碍我们都被这句话打动了。

说得远了点，这其实是我看到纪录片《寻找小糖人》后想起的。这部被今年奥斯卡最佳纪录片奖提名、并很有可能最终获奖的片子，是这类故事里最激动人心的案例之一。

上世纪70年代，美国歌手Rodriguez在本土录制两张唱片，制作人和唱片行老板都称他比Bob Dylan还棒，然而唱片发行后却无人问津。没人知道，在遥远的南非，Rodriguez的音乐被疯狂传播与追捧，甚至有人把专辑的封面图案刺在自己的肩膀上。那些想要逃离大工业城市、追求自我生活的歌词，被南非受压制的人们赋予反体制的含义。他们如梦初醒，意识到“还有出路”，齐声高唱着他的歌曲，走上街头抗议，甚至由此开启了一场轰轰烈烈的自由运动。

这种情节听起来相当熟悉。每一场革命都有自己的圣曲，捷克“布拉格之春”时，人们唱着本国歌手翻唱自Beatles的Hey, Jude；在东德，大家背着斯塔西偷听Public Enemy和Beastie Boys；伊朗陷于严苛的原教旨主义统治时，人们依靠黑市上买来的瑞典Abba乐队的磁带滋润心灵。

有趣的是，南非流传着Rodriguez早已在舞台上自杀身亡的谣言。多年来，人们带着激动与惋惜的心情缅怀着这位英年早逝的天才，却在一位音乐记者不懈地挖掘之后惊喜得知，他还活着，在美国，在那个没人听说过他的国家，为别人装修房顶。

南非人沸腾了。他们迅速安排好Rodriguez到南非的巡回演出。媒体、乐迷，甚至组织者，都不敢确信这一消息，暗自做好从飞机上接下一个冒牌货的准备。然而这位他们奉为音乐教父的人真的出现了，自自然然上台，平平静静唱起他们传诵多年的歌。五千人的演出场所被激情塞满，人们站着，喊着，唱着，哭着，怀念青春，怀念反抗的日子。

Rodriguez平静地经历了这一切，回到美国，继续做木工。他知道，自己只是写了想写的音乐，在美国没有遇到知音，这没什么，在一个遥远的国家引起如此大的反响——大到推动整个社会的民主进程，小到促使乐迷开了自己的唱片行，记者达到事业的巅峰，女儿嫁给南非的保镖，外孙有一半的南非血统——他也觉得没什么，不过是做好自己的事罢了。

Rodriguez的传奇与好友H的故事看似没有多少可比性，但在我看来，只是程度的差别。每一份努力都不会白费，这道理不必多说了，还是现身说法最有力量。

这是从Rolling Stone上看到的一篇文章。Rolling Stone有很多这种文章，记者啥也不问，就跟着被访者喝咖啡或者乱逛，然后写出一篇“记某某人成名后的一天”这种比挂在墙上的腊肉还干的文章。但我最喜欢读这些，没有导向性的问题，每个人就这样不温不火地展现着自己的性格，表达习惯，和心理状态，简直比纪录片都真实。
看完寻找小糖人后，对罗德里格斯很感兴趣。看到这篇就翻了出来。结合电影，就补完了此人的全部职业生涯，对他的认识也更加全面。

“小糖人”后的生活
 
By Andy Greene
 
在70岁的时候，唱作人罗德里格斯终于成了公认的巨星。

在本该是他人生中最重要时刻的那个夜晚，70岁的唱作人塞斯图·罗德里格斯又一次不见了踪影。2012年轰动一时的纪录片寻找小糖人，奇迹般地把罗德里格斯的音乐介绍给全世界，这部影片也即将获得奥斯卡最佳纪录片奖。但罗德里格斯错过了在洛杉矶杜比剧场举行的奥斯卡颁奖礼。彼时他已回到底特律的家中，正在睡觉。“我错过了那个节目，”罗德里格斯说。“那天是我们从南非回来的第二天。我女儿桑德拉打电话叫我看奥斯卡。但我没电视。”
两个星期之后，他在底特律这座他生活了一辈子的城市举行了一场巡演。“让我们四处逛逛吧，”他说着，点燃第一根大麻烟卷。他吸烟的目的是为了放松（被他称为“吐出魔力龙”），以及缓解青光眼带来的病痛，这病让他几乎瞎了。“我不想引起警方的注意。”罗德里格斯和女友邦妮蜷缩在那辆银色吉普拉雷多的后座。副驾位置是他怀孕的女儿里根，开车的是他的女婿。这天是底特律常见的温暖冬日，罗德里格斯通身黑色装扮：从伦敦买来的皮裤，厚实的太阳镜，犀利的运动外套，以及一条镶有美国土著木刻鹰的宽领带。他的头发很可疑地没有一丝变灰的迹象。“头发关乎我的形象，”他说，“也算装扮的一部分。”


“说实话，我以为这家伙会很出名。”Avant说。

在四十年的默默无闻之后——他从1971年开始就没再录制过一张专辑，以做建筑工人为生——罗德里格斯终于成了公认的巨星。他的演出票总能迅速卖光，并且演出场所从几十年前的小俱乐部，换到了大体育场——今年九月，他将在布鲁克林可容纳19000的巴克莱中心举行演出，这里通常是网队的主场，以及Jay-Z的御用演出场馆。在罗德里格斯的家乡，无论他走到哪里都有粉丝蜂拥而至。当我们在韦恩州立大学（罗德里格斯1981年在这里获得哲学学位）校园内的一家咖啡馆驻足时，立刻被一位女性粉丝缠住。“我们费尽心思抢你的演出票，结果还是卖光了，”她的抱怨喷涌而出。“下次演出请订在乔路易斯体育场吧！”
近期在南非的五场演出让罗德里格斯总共获利70万美元，然而即使变得很富有，他仍然住在原来的居所。他没有电脑和车，也不打算买，他还计划一直住在这栋他从70年代初期就开始居住的房子里。“他的生活是斯巴达式的，”罗德里格斯的女儿里根如是说。“其实说是孟诺教派也不为过。他把大部分钱都分给了朋友和家人。我真希望他能在自己身上花点钱。”
我们最终到达底特律的Masonic Temple，这座宏伟的新哥特建筑承办过很多演出，包括theRolling Stones和Bruce Springsteen。五月，罗德里格斯将首次在这里举行演出。还有两天他将举行世界巡演，这次巡演始于新西兰和澳大利亚，全程将有超过40场演出，包括Coachella和Glastonbury两大音乐节。“我必须承认，金钱是可耻的，”罗德里格斯说着，疯狂地笑了起来。“我有很多承诺，且数量还在上升。铁已滚烫但我们不能停止敲打。”
罗德里格斯的事业曾经还未开始就快要结束，现在却在几乎真的要画上句点时蓬勃发展。在60年代中期，罗德里格斯开始在底特律的咖啡馆演出，最终在1967年，以RodRiguez的名义发行了两首民谣歌曲。“那是制作人的决定。”他解释那次更名。“他认为那个名字更吸引人。”
刚出道时，底特律摇滚胜景展现在罗德里格斯眼前 – theStooges，MC5和BobSeger的事业都在那个时代起步 – 而罗德里格斯却徘徊在Sewer这类酒吧之间演出，晚上在工业洗衣店打工。“我看见他在一个叫做Anderson’sGarden的地方演出，”MikeTheodore说，他是罗德里格斯在1970年发行的首张专辑ColdFact的联合制作人。“看起来那是个淫秽场所。酒吧里全是妓女。罗德里格斯就在那唱。他演奏风琴，身边是一个没牙的萨克斯风演奏家。”
他并不是一个有活力的现场乐手，事实上，他演出时总是面对着墙壁。“我必须学会在这些小屋子里演出，收获更多自信，”他说。“我无法像那些极具对抗性的说唱歌手一样目视观众。闭上眼我才能找到调，听我自己唱歌，进行再创作。”
当摩城总裁Clarence Avant将罗德里格斯签到旗下新厂牌Sussex时，他以为又有一个新的主流巨星到手了。“说实话，我以为这家伙会很出名，”Avant说。“他在我合作过的最伟大的音乐家里可以排前三，和BillWithers并列。他真是他妈的天才。”
但是罗德里格斯在LA的一场面向演唱会推广人，唱片公司总裁，以及其他业界大佬的演出中惨败。“他醉醺醺的，背对着观众，”Avant说。“没人深究那场演出。那就像一场MilesDavis演出。反响为零。不对，反响为负。”
1971年发行的第二张专辑Coming From Reality也遭到惨败，那是罗德里格斯在美国的事业终点。很奇怪的是，澳大利亚的情况却完全不同。1972年，一个悉尼DJ播放了SugarMan之后，ColdFact意外走红。“我每个朋友都有一张ColdFact，”MidnightOil的鼓手RobHirst说，“我们翻唱BruceSpringsteen, Billy Joel, 以及罗德里格斯的专辑。”
罗德里格斯的事业在重生之前最后的闪光，发生在1979到1981年之间，他在澳大利亚预定了两场演出。“在那之前他从来没举办过演唱会，只在酒吧和俱乐部里演过，”演唱会推广人MichaelCoppel对Billboard杂志说。“他对发生的事情很吃惊。”1981年时，罗德里格斯和MidnightOil分享了演出赚到的钱。“我曾认为那是我事业的高峰，”如今的罗德里格斯说。“我完成了一个史诗般的任务。在那以后我被乐坛遗忘。再也没接到过电话，或其他邀请。”
在那同时（像寻找小糖人叙述的那样），南非的粉丝发现了他的音乐，他的两张唱片在南非得以再版发行。罗德里格斯对他的走红毫不知情，并于80年代退出乐坛 – 但他从未放弃重返舞台的希望。“他每周都把我和姐姐们带到图书馆阅读最新一期的Billboard杂志，”罗德里格斯的女儿里根说。“他让我看Billboard和Pollstar上统计的演出票房。告诉我如果身在演出市场，会赚多少钱。他说这些时从不大声，但梦想始终都在。”
另一件可能成为他人生一大损失的事情是，他曾经考虑不参与寻找小糖人这部纪录片的拍摄。2008年，瑞典电影人MalikBendjelloul联系到罗德里格斯，说出了他想拍摄一部关于罗德里格斯在南非走红，并于1998年在开普敦举行一系列极受欢迎的演出的电影。Bendjelloul到底特律拜访了罗德里格斯三次，都被拒绝。“他对我们感到抱歉，”Bendjelloul说。“他最后答应我们的原因仿佛是，‘这群人简直疯了，我还是帮帮他们吧’。他接受采访完全是出于好心。”
当拿到去澳大利亚的工作签证后，我们驶往一个朋友的住所。罗德里格斯在露台上，点燃了另外一根大麻烟卷，里根回忆起电影上映后，生活发生的疯狂变化。“突然之间我收到很多从未听说过的朋友的来信，”她说。“每件事都在向着积极的方向发展，唯独一点，我们没有为他雇佣经纪人，因为‘经纪人’在我们家可不算个好词。”
罗德里格斯现在的巡演并没有固定的乐队 – 取而代之的是，每巡演到一个地方，就邀请当地的知名音乐人加入演出阵容。在澳大利亚，MidnightOil的成员将与罗德里格斯合作。“他只想排练几个小时，所以我们要凭感觉，”Hirst说。“这让我很紧张。”
当我们游荡到Michigan中央车站 – 这座宏伟的车站始建于1913年，它像纽约中央车站一样壮观，却遭到废弃 – 罗德里格斯突然欢呼起来。“哇！”他喊道“这里关门多少年了？三十年！”
罗德里格斯之前的制作人Theodore希望看到他重回录音室，但他知道这几乎不可能。“想象一下他现在承受的压力吧，”他说。“我不知道他是否愿意回到录音室，发行第三张专辑。况且，大部分人现在只想听他的老歌。他曾经说过他会写30首歌，然后让这些歌带他环游世界。你知道吗？他做到了。”

1. 小糖人是谁
小糖人是谁？你在南非的任何一个角落问这个问题，一定都有人答的上来。他其实本名是Sixto Rodriguez，美国上世纪七十年代的一位墨西哥裔作者型歌手，小糖人只是他第一张创作专辑《Cold Fact》里的一首歌。小糖人的唱片销量在南非至今仍是奇迹，他们挚爱他。

上个世界七十时代的南非几乎是纳粹德国的翻版，南非的年轻人知道一切正在发生的自由运动，却没有人知道南非正在发生什么，那里是精神孤岛。对于美国人民来说，南非真就像另外一个星球。 谁也无法确定小糖人的歌是如何传到南非的。被广泛接纳的一种说法是，一个来探望男朋友的美国姑娘随身携带了一张《Cold Fact》的唱片，无意间在聚会中播放了几首歌。也许是歌词的大胆坦率和对底层生活的关怀，Rodriguez让南非的青年们望见了生活的另一种可能性，这恰恰吻合了种族隔离时期他们的心情。越来越多的人开始自发的翻录唱片，抄写歌词，在没有媒体和网络的帮助下，拥有同样反抗意志的人们因为Rodriguez的歌聚在了一起。

每一场革命都必然有自己的圣歌，就像东德的乐迷们想方设法偷听Beastie Boys和Public Enemy，南非的年轻孩子高唱着Rodriguez的歌展开了激烈的反种族隔离运动。滚石、猫王、披头士……这些风靡全球的流行乐旗手在南非人的心目中全是Rodriguez的手下败将，他们星火相传，拥他为王。当今南非流行乐坛的歌手和乐队，无不自称师承Rodriguez， 世间却遍寻不到Rodriguez的任何背景信息，甚至他的模样也被帽檐和墨镜遮挡，影影绰绰的印在唱片封面上。这个神秘的精神领袖，引导了一代人，开启了一个时代。

2.寻找小糖人
当人们开始寻找小糖人的时候，他们笃定他已经死了。或许是对着脑袋轰了一枪掀翻头盖骨，或许是全身浇满汽油把自己点燃，总之，他必是死在了演唱会的舞台上，万千瞩目，轰轰烈烈。
寻找小糖人有两个核心人物。Stephen Segerman，音像店胖老板，江湖人称“老糖”。他为Rodriguez的第二张专辑《Coming From Reality》撰写文案时广发英雄帖，“有没有音乐侦探来帮帮我们？”揭榜的是一位叫Craig Bartholomew Strydom的记者，Craig彼时刚出道，正需要一宗特稿来奠定地位。这哼哈二将都是Rodriguez最忠实的粉丝，他们想要找到已逝偶像的真实生平用以追忆和缅怀。
寻找的过程远比纪录片能展示的要繁杂漫长。先是追查唱片公司的现金去向，逐一排查每一个出现在歌词中的地名，建立起“寻找小糖人”的网站，不放过任何蛛丝马迹。毕竟他们也是和你我一样的普通人，若不是全然出于对Rodriguez音乐的爱，很难十年如一日的坚持下来，直等到Rodriguez的女儿在网站上留言：我爸爸还活着，在底特律。

老糖与记者怎么也无法想象的是，他们的偶像虽然尚在人间，竟然在美国早己被流行乐坛淘汰，成了一个平凡的屋顶维修工！他在南非家喻户晓的两张白金专辑在美国的销量一只手就能数的过来。世间竟有这样的道理。同样想不通的不止这两个南非人，还有美国大唱片公司老板和名制片人。虽说娱乐行业的生存法则就是以成败论英雄，但在真正的才华面前，他们还是诚恳服气。“我一生合作过的大腕无数，Rodriguez的声音绝对能排进前五，就这么简单。”“没有人能把歌写到他的程度，Bob Dylan 跟他比起来太柔了。”每一个和他合作过的专业人士都给予了极高的美誉。时至今日，他曾经两张唱片的制作人Dennis和Mike还在捶胸顿足的问天问地，为什么他的唱片不卖？是不是该改个艺名？难不成主打歌选错了？配乐中的小提琴换成大提琴则如何？封面换成紫色会不会成功？ 反倒是Rodriguez本人平平淡淡的，“我现在还是很喜欢弹吉他呀，也经常去听现场表演。”

最近国内有一档电视节目叫《我是歌手》，请的都是一些专业歌手来比赛，其中有一位被观众惊为沧海遗珠的中年女歌手因这节目重新火了起来。功夫自然还在身上，黄琦珊唱：“我俩，太不公平。爱与恨，全由你操控。” 大开大合，肝肠寸断。她声泪俱下的对着镜头说，唱的就是她和音乐的关系——被辜负，离不开。
相比黄女士，Rodriguez 对音乐则是爱到深处无怨尤。在默默无闻几十年泥瓦匠人生涯之后，他受邀来南非开演唱会。演唱会的消息铺天盖地，所有的南非歌迷都以为这是诈骗集团。但大家还是来了，拥挤的看台上满是早已不再年轻的革命青年，还有五颜六色的十几岁孩子们，大家搭肩高喊Rodriguez的名字，哼着再熟悉不过的前奏。等到Rodriguez站在舞台中央一开口，所有人的灵魂都被瞬间点燃，没错，不可能是别人，就是他。这场跨了半个地球的首场演唱会，真可谓是他们和Rodriguez之间的久别重逢。Rodriguez在从未踏足过的南非热土上受到万千粉丝的顶礼膜拜，也只是站在舞台上认真歌唱，没有恸哭，没有咆哮，鞠很长时间的躬，微笑感谢。他甚至在主办方准备的豪华套间里只睡在沙发靠椅上，并没有动卧室中间的大床，因为觉得没有必要。
最让人慨叹的是巡回演唱会结束之后，创下多项南非流行音乐史上纪录的他又回到了底特律。回到自己熟悉的世界，住老旧的公寓，继续从事他的日常工作，帮别人修理破损的屋顶和地板。人世间的起起落落与己无关，真正的荣辱不惊。

寻找小糖人，这个犹如神谕般的故事还有一个温馨的尾巴，Rodriguez的其中一个女儿在跟随父亲南非巡回演唱会的过程中，与随行的保镖相爱结婚，于是小糖人现在有了一个一半美国一半南非的混血外孙。


3.最寒酸的小糖人电影
36岁的瑞典人Malik Bendjelloul在电视台工作期间和许多优秀的音乐人合作过，例如比约克和王子乐队。他自然是识货的，所以当他06年辞职和当时的女朋友一起去非洲背包旅游，在开普敦第一次听到Rodriguez的歌就惊为天人。

原本计划拍一条七分钟的短片在电视上播出，光是埋头整理资料就是好几个月，Malik一遍又一遍的告诉自己：这是一个更大的故事，这应该是一部电影。Malik决定留在开普敦，通过Rodriguez的女儿Eva和他成为了朋友。不过是到第三年Malik飞到底特律，两人才见上了面。起初Rodriguez不愿意入镜，后来看到Malik在零下20度的底特律清晨抢拍雪景，被那冻得通红的年轻面孔所感动，才录了极短的一段访谈。
最难的还在于资金。如果你是投资方，你会不会投给一个首次执导的年轻导演的关于一位没人知道的艺术家的纪录片？瑞典电影研究所曾给予的电影扶持基金，也在影片投入拍摄的第三年撤出了。Malik最初用Super 8摄影机拍摄，后来连Super 8都用不起的时候，兴奋的发现苹果App store里有一个super 8的app，他用这个售价1美金的app拍了本片的大部分素材。挨到2011年，实际拍摄的部分已经基本完成，还差后期剪辑和声音配乐，还有最重要的过场动画。为了《寻找小糖人》弹尽粮绝的Malik，这时真的到了揭不开锅的地步。他开始自己拿起画笔做一些简单的插图，在斯德哥尔摩家里的餐桌上和剪辑软件死磕，就这么哆哆嗦嗦的做完了成片。

我在今年的奥斯卡提名座谈上看到美国纪录片领军人物Michael Moore对小伙子说：“说来真有点尴尬啊，这个故事居然让外国导演拍成了。”Malik忍俊不禁的告诉业内大拿一个小秘密：其实十年前老糖他们给Michael Moore写过信，希望他能把这个故事拍成纪录片。大胖子抱头痛苦的嚎叫：“天啊！一定我每天收到的信太多了！”继而又恢复了严肃赤诚的神情，“我不可能拍的比你这部更好。”最寒酸的，也是最好的。

4. 小糖人的平行世界
从圣丹斯独立电影节开始，《寻找小糖人》乘风破浪，拿遍国际大奖， 越来越多的人知道了Rodriguez的故事，和当年那些热血的南非年轻人一样爱上了他的音乐。就连Ben Affleck都特别买了原声碟，Bob Dylan也致电索尼经典公司，说非常欣赏这部电影。最终本片荣获了第85届奥斯卡最佳纪录片，然而电影里的主人公Rodriguez并没有出席颁奖典礼。《寻找小糖人》的制片人Simon Chinn (他制作过另一部著名纪录片《走钢索的人》)说：“Rodriguez不愿意出席，他说不想抢了风头，执意将全部荣耀归于剧组。这也正是他的伟大之处。”

当Rodriguez的音乐在奥斯卡舞台上响起，我忍不住开始想一个问题：如果Malik没有咬牙坚持完成《寻找小糖人》纪录片，如果老糖和音乐侦探Craig没有足够的运气找到他，如果 Rodriguez至死也不知道在另一片土地上自己的壮阔作为，再进一步假设，如果当年那个犹如天使般的美国女孩去南非度假的时候并没有随身携带《Cold Fact》这张唱片，Rodriguez的歌声并没有在机缘巧合下播种到南非大地，那么他是谁？他是一个失败者吗？
不，他还是一个永远热爱音乐的城市游吟诗人；一个穿着整洁西装干工友都不愿干的脏活累活，兢兢业业的金牌屋顶修理工；一个生活拮据却尽最大努力带着女儿们去艺术展和博物馆，从小告诉她们与在最顶楼用餐的人没有任何区别的好父亲。如果这电影中的一切从来没有发生过，如果我有幸在底特律能认识他，我依旧会认为他是一个卓越的人，一个大写的人。

每一个被这尘世拒绝过的灵魂，也许都在另一个平行世界中得到了拥抱。《寻找小糖人》的结尾，Rodriguez一个人背着吉他走在底特律破败的老街上，这时隔夜的雪刚刚开始消融，他有些踉跄着，姿势略微古怪的保持平衡继续沉默前行。也许这就是他的人生。就这样在世间沉默行走的他，在另一个平行世界里，获得了上帝的冠冕。